梦蝶 灭 (Dream of a butterfly slaughtered)

Of the backfilled thoughts
Across so many years
That wear you out and
Grind you down
And leave you hoping
For someone who
Someday just might
Happen to reappear

Of a multitude of
Engagements
Past imperfect
And the ripeness of
Certain fruit of
First youth
So fresh you
Somehow sense
It may never be
The right time
To move along
Into another aisle
Stocked with
Whatever
Canned goods

The din we made
You and me
In the full idiocy of
Over-privileged youth
Was more than loud enough
To shatter the peace
Of a distant afternoon

Deciduous or not
I ask myself
In circular fashion
If surviving doesn’t
Make me feel nearly
As guilty as you daily felt
About the pulp
You wrought
And those whom
You brought down
To their knees

And now that you’re
Gone and I’ve
Emptied my purse
Once and for all
I find myself
Standing here
By the check out counter
Needing to figure my own way out
Between the doubts and fears
Of loving you
Even so
After so many
Years